Run, Tia Juana! Run!

New Year, New Commitment to Self

2009-01-21T06:29:00.000-08:00

First a catch-up: I ran two marathons in 2008. Plus 9 other races! Thank you www.Athlinks.com for keeping our race records! I still ran them slower than I want. So, yeah, I got past the burn out phase. However after the last marathon, I stopped doing much. Thus the New Year, New Commitment to Self subject!

I have gained weight because: I drink too much, run too little, eat lots of junky food. Oh yeah, time for revamping. So, I've started cutting down on drinking wine, started eating more fruits and vegis (notice I did NOT say I'd cut out junky food!) and have started weight lifting, body pump class and running.

My runs are short right now, no more than 5 miles on the last two Saturdays, but I'm running them faster. Even with my added weight.

So here's my pledge:

I will:

Run 3x weekly
Swim once weekly
Go to Body Pump 1-2 x weekly
Lift weights 4 days weekly

I plan to:

Eat 8 - 12 servings of vegis and fruit daily
Drink 5 - 10 glasses of water/juice every day
Drink less wine/alcohol

In an effort to maintain a new routine and acknowledge my commitment, I will journal. By journaling, I mean whatever I like. Workouts, mileage, food intake, water intake, thoughts. On whatever medium I desire to capture journaling on. Blogging, at www.Sparkpeople.com, www.MapMyRun.com, www.Athlinks.com, workout binder, or regular composition journal I keep. As long as I am aware of what my accomplishments are, it doesn't matter where I capture the information. The sheer act of capturing it anywhere is an acknowledgement at that moment. And I believe that's what counts.

I am refreshed and excited. I'm already targeting marathons and races: one in Georgia in March, See Jane Run in April, The Relay in May, 1 or 2 fulls in the fall. I want to do one Tri for Fun, too.

With the help of my family and friends, who are there for me, I know I can achieve.

Burn Out

2008-07-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

Boy, have I got a lot to write, but right now all I want to say is I experienced some burn-out last week. In fact, I ended up not running Saturday. Rather unfortunate. Because now I have some mild depression. I kept thinking about my poor dead mom. I'm so sad, so lonely. I feel like the only person I have in this world is Randy. Now I know how much I rely on exercise to keep grief and depression at bay.

I'm going to exercise today and run this evening. Although I really don't want to run tonight. Want to or not, I must. For my sanity.

24 Miler

2008-01-10T10:16:00.000-08:00

24 Miler
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Running Once Again - and Blogging, Too

2007-10-25T07:47:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy over the last few months, I haven't had the time to blog. I miss it. I know it's a way of capturing my thoughts - for me. I'm not good at sitting down and writing with a pen much anymore. So this is my journal.

Lots has happened as I redefine who I am. A Motherless Child, as the song title goes.

What has helped is running. It forced me into the public arena.

The public arena is a place I found so scary after Mama died. A place I used to love until that day. May 12th, 2006.

My running club needed a lead for the beginners running program and I knew I had to get out. So I forced myself to volunteer. I rejoined the running community, as a result.

By rejoining the running community, I've made new friends and visited with old ones. I've seen runners go from 2 miles to a 12k to a half marathon to a full marathon in just 10 months.

By rejoining the running community, I re-experienced my mother and her joy of running, her joy of being out, running under sunny skies, drippy skies, running on cool and hot days. I've shared my mother's love of watching birds fly above, of flowers blossoming, of feeling the hard pavement passing under running shoes, of deep breathing and lots of sweating, of knowing there is an end to the run and a satisfaction in completing that run.

By rejoining the running community, I've rejoined life.

What Tarot Card Are You Quiz: A Little Non-running Fun

2006-11-20T14:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the little quizzes I see on other people's blogs, silly as they may seem, carry a bit of truth, if not lots of fun. Here is one I just did (http://quizilla.com/users/Koshari/quizzes/):

You are the Moon card. Entering the Moon we enter the intuitive and psychic realms. This is the stuff dreams are made on. And like dreams the imagery we find here may inspire us or torment us. Understanding the moon requires looking within. Our own bodily rhythms are echoed in this luminary that circles the earth every month and reflects the sun in its progress. Listening to those rhythms may produce visions and lead you towards insight. The Moon is a force that has legends attached to it. It carries with it both romance and insanity. Moonlight reveals itself as an illusion and it is only those willing to work with the force of dreams that are able to withstand this reflective light.
Image from: Stevee Postman.

Running in a Fog

2006-11-07T07:37:00.000-08:00

I love to run in fog. I get so drippy and wet. Everything in front of me is softly focused, making me feel as if I am in some sort of Wonderland. While I haven't gone out to run just yet, I captured pictures of the scenes outside the conference room window - they are below.

Other thoughts about fog. As I walked to work, I could see the tops of the trees shrouded in fog. I felt a slight breeze and the coolness of the fog on my face and in my hair.

The sounds of my footsteps seemed unusually muffled this morning, the fog being thicker than I'm accustomed to walking in.

This morning, as Randy and I drove toward the Embarcadero, we looked at the Bay Bridge. It was partially banked in by a small cloud of fog. The lights gently twinkled through this little cloud. Because it was still dark out, everything seemed a bit more dramatic, a bit more twinkly, within and around the scrap of fog.

Across the street, buildings lie hidden behind a fog,
a bay fog...
Emptiness sits around me...

Mama's Angels

2006-10-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

Since Mommy died, I've had a hard time getting back to running. Running reminds me of Mom, as do other forms of exercise she enjoyed. But I try to get out at least once a week.

On some of my runs, I pass Mom's angels. That's what Janice calls all the people who have taken to talking to me since May 12th. These are strangers I'm talking about.

When I first mentioned that it seems more people talk to me than ever before, my boss said I was just more sensitive to what has always happened to me. I thought that might be right, until the old Chinese man with his grandson began talking to me on the bus one day. In Chinese. When I told him that I did not speak Chinese, he shrugged his shoulders and continued conversing with me. There's other similar situations that I intend to record.

Mom's angels aren't just people. Mama loved being out on a run, in nature. She loved to hike, go to flower gardens, visit the ocean. You name it, she loved to be in nature. So I include natural sites I pass than stir in me memories of Mommy. To help me run, I started carrying my cell phone so I could capture those special moments when Mama talks to me and tells me to lift my head as I run. These are some pictures from my 13th run since she died. That run was on this past Monday.

Running 101

2006-10-07T07:31:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I can do it, but I'm going to try and lead Running 101 again. I'm nervous about doing it because I am still unable to really look at people, I'm not as confident as I was before May 12th. But I know I need to do something to get me back to regular running and that includes running in groups. That is if I ever want to be in races again.

Lord knows I'm trying. I know I must call on my mom's strength to help me. Mama would want me to return to living. I'll try.

Who Am I

2006-10-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

Good question. I am a woman who lost her mom through an accidental death on May 12th. I am a woman who is in the midst of mourning and rebuilding an identity without the woman who has known me all my life, who had offered love and affection when most needed, who contributed to the growth and development of who I am today.

I know I am married to a wonderful man. I know I have a great job. I know I have lots of friends who care about what happened to me. I know I love to run and I love to knit.

All of this doesn't really resonate with such clarity anymore. Because I am a woman without a mom. And it hurts.